bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
