I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
