how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
