If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize