This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
