I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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