I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
