apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize