Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Randomize
