hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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