So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
