Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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