You were right. It hurts to walk today.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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