There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
