I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
