Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
