You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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