i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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