I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
