think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
