I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
