I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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