Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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