i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
