i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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