i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize