Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
