I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
