Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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