Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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