ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
my god I love twenty year old dicks
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
