Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
