Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
