Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
