Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
no you cant smoke seaweed
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
