He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize