dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
