I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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