MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
