Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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