dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize