What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
