I need help removing her.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize