Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
