I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Randomize
