Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
