we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
