yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
