apparently the secret to your success is patron
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
