she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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