some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
