I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Randomize
