giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
