I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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