girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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