I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
"it" just moved
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
