he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Your mouth is God's brothel.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
