it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
