Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
