that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
