oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
