I puked a lego.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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