I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
