Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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