AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I'm just crazy horny about you
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
