Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
