Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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