i think my tv is drunk
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
