U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
