Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
