I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
