My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
