GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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