I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
