He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
