So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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