Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
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