I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
